I stare in disbelief and despair at the indecipherable display on the screen of my Kindle e-reader. Apparently, I have somehow managed to put undue pressure on the screen during one of the many occasions I have shuffled it between my PPA, St. Patrick’s College, Asaba, and my aunt’s house, which I will call home for the rest of the service year. And just like that, one of my few safety nets, an incredibly eclectic library of over 900 books which would have helped significantly to protect my sanity in this droll, depressing Sodom of a city, has been lost. Yet another thing goes wrong for me here.
I had high hopes for Asaba. It’s the capital of an oil rich state. You’d have to assume it’d be buzzing with activity, a place where the big industry men and “oil rigs chicks” would come to play over the weekends after spending the week hustling for the money in Warri and Sapele. And on first sight, I was almost suckered in.
The major roads are all pretty good, with streetlights that actually work. Beautiful houses lining side streets and supermarkets at just about every other building. My PPA was just handed back to the Catholic Church after being in control of the government for years, and so it has a beautiful new building and very few students. And I thought I’d hit something close to a jackpot. Besides the time I thought I could attempt to cook stew without burning the pot, I highly doubt I’ve ever been so wrong about anything in my life.
There is never light. I don’t mean that in a whiny way, like I don’t get enough light to be able to play games or watch TV as much as I want. I mean there’s never light. If we did not have a generator, every single thing in the freezer would spoil. If the gods have elected to smile upon you that day, you might get 3-4 hours of light, spread out in random one hour periods throughout the day. Probably when you’re not home. If the gods have decided to smile AND pat you on the back, two of those hours would be between midnight and 2am, so you get to sleep off with AC. However, the gods here frown a lot. So we’re usually sleeping without light. Dealing with heat and mosquitoes.
I think the mosquitoes deserve their own paragraph. Much like Disney and their endless parade of child stars, the mosquitoes here seem to have been manufactured in some factory by some shady evil corporation, just so you can buy the insecticide they sell. I swear they are resistant to Baygon, probably bathe in the stuff. And they’re big fat mosquitoes. The kinds of mosquitoes that would require two seats if they ever sat on a plane. I’ve had few more terrifying moments in my life than looking at my laptop screen while watching a movie in the dark, just to see the silhouettes of three mosquitoes the size of dragons flying towards me in battle formation. Next time I spray this house, I’m using holy water and a sword.
There’s nowhere to go, nothing to do. Your social options are limited to drinking somewhere, eating fast food, or watching soccer at a viewing center, one of which I know uses one of those really big billboard sized screens used for advertisements to broadcast most EPL matches. Which I guess is kinda cool. But with me being a teetotal, and Man Utd turning all my soccer experiences this season into heartbreak, I can’t even find solace in those. This would be tolerable if there was at least light so you could stay home and watch stuff and play games and sleep in a cool room. That’s far too much to ask though.
Things are too expensive here. Everything seems to have been hiked up by about 30-50 Naira from the prices I’m used to, on small day to day goods anyway. Housing is crazy expensive too. My friend’s house, which I swear to you is smaller in its entirety than my bedroom in my aunt’s house, costs her 150k a year. Which is a discount because the owner saw she was a corper and had pity on her.
I could go on, but I elect to stop here. I’m stuck in a town where the sleeping hours have become the most dreaded part of the day. How bad is your life when sleep, which should be sweet relief, is now something you fear? I’ve woken up in the middle of countless nights, sweating and slapping at myself, tears hanging on the corners of my eyes, praying the sun is ready to rise, teeth bared, and scorch us again. At least the sun doesn’t buzz annoyingly in your ears. Instead of the government to try to fix the light problem, they’re spending copious amounts of money to build an utterly needless overhead bridge over a roundabout that barely even has any traffic.
NYSC has not been the most pleasant of experiences so far. There’s 5 months or so left. I sincerely hope something changes in that time. Until then, I’ll probably head back to the Sizzler’s fast food place where I saw many girls going all dressed up like they were going clubbing; jeggings, short tight dresses and skirts, heels. (How sad is it that a fast food joint is what counts as an outing). Maybe it’s for the best if I meet them there sha. Meatpie is cheaper than Hennessy.
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Osaretin Akenzua is Mechanical Engineering graduate of the University of Maryland, U.S.A., but has always had a passion for writing. He lives in Benin, Edo State but is currently serving in Asaba, Delta State.
#UnderTheSunOrInTheRain.
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